I'd like to tell you all a little story. It is a true story about the acquiring of keys
for Western Court, names have been changed to protect the innocent. By way of explanation we,
as a society, hold three sets of keys which are distributed around various committee members.
For some unknown reason it is extremely difficult to get
one of these sets of keys at short notice. The University does not appear to have a set themselves.
Once upon a time there was a man called Spewie. He had to return lots of
goodies to Mead-yah Services one Monday morning but in a moment of stupidity
had given his set of keys to the office (where all these goodies were) to
Jay P the previous evening. Having realised this he set out on a quest to
get a set of keys to return these goodies to Mead-yah Services.
Now Spewie knew that the big ginger ferocious beast Greig Orr had a set of
keys in his lair but this creatures wrath was so great when woken early that
such an act would be tantamount to death. He also knew that Jay P had a set,
however travelling to Jay P's abode was a long and arduous treck with many
hazards, not least of which being the evil Nedds. Spewie managed to discover
from the Great Oracle (with the hoarse voice), Cough Yield, that there was a
secret set of keys held by one of the Masters of Costumiery, most probably
Herbert. The game was afoot...
Spewie spoke to Ray Shell, who lives in the Forest of Fun with the Masters
of Costumiery, and described his quest. But he was to be disappointed,
Herbert had gone out on a quest of her own, with her keys. His hopes dashed
Spewie went for a walk, on which he met a Purple Burd who also lived in the
Forest of Fun. She told him that in fact Herbert had never left the Forest
of Fun on her quest as she couldn't be arsed and that in fact Jay P was also
currently in the Forest of Fun. This meant that two thirds of the sets of
keys were in the Forest of Fun and Ray Shell had clearly not been drinking
from the Well of Wisdom.
Spewie used his mobile signalling device (which was quite low on energy by
the way) to contact the Forest of Fun and spoke once again to Ray Shell. She
in turn said to Jay P that she believed Spewie wished to speak to him. Jay P
misunderstood this and so did not go to the signalling device in Forest of
Fun but instead proceeded to do the business of getting up. Meanwhile Spewie
was walking quickly towards the Forest of Fun with his mobile signalling
device running out of both energy and acorns, eventually when he had passed
the Rock (a large boulder on the way to the Forest of Fun) he gave up and
turned off his mobile signalling device.
A short while later Spewie arrived at the Forest of Fun, Jay P gave Spewie
his keys but seemed quite surprised that Herbert had not gone out on her
quest as did Mr Big (who also lived in the Forest of Fun). Spewie pointed
out that the keys given to him by Jay P were Herbert's keys and not
Spewie's. Jay P was slightly confused at this but then decided he must have
given Spewie's keys to someone else, possibly Spewie. Spewie was unconvinced
that he had them but bid his farewells, his quest alsmost at an end.
Later with his quest completed Spewie received a carrier pigeon from Herbert
informing him that Jay P had just left with the keys and was going to the
office (he was in fact going back home). Spewie sighed and wondered as to
the internal communication system within the Forest of Fun. Later still
Spewie received a carrier pigeon from Mr Big informing him that Jay P had in
fact had two sets of keys that morning, not just Herbert's. By this time
Spewie was unsurprised.
The End
