The Cecilian Society

1) You will never be able to eat Nutella ever again
2) You know what "T" and "W" stand for on a camera zoom
3) You had a conversation in which the Hot Tub Nazi was really condescending to you
4) You got a parking ticket outside a pub you didn't even end up drinking in
5) You're sad that Otto and Gunther Prestawick have passed away because you want to shake them by the hand
6) When the fire alarm test goes off in your office, you presume it must be Bacon O'Clock
7) You broke something
8) You cleaned up broken glass and had flashbacks to the aftershow
9) You know what Naked Time costs by the hour
10) The song Crazy Horses gives you an unbearable urge to become intimately acquainted with some huskies
11) You were disappointed that the Cecilian Panto didn't feature the giant stove in the living room
12) You were overjoyed that the Cecilian Panto featured Yasmin mounting the imaginary oven
13) You are mentally scarred by the inclusion of the words "Spin the Bottle" and "Stephen Hawking" in the same sentence as each other
14) You wish Paul Daniels had signed the Guest Book
15) You *still* don't know where Paul is
16) The music of Celine Dion will never be the same again
17) The music of the Beatles will never be the same again
18) You have climbed up sunshine mountain
19) You realise you have never seen Amy Winehouse and Marion Baird in the same room at the same time
20) You are over the age of 25 and find it perfectly acceptable to have a tea party in a children's playground with a toy penguin
21) You are over the age of 25 and find it perfectly acceptable to use the phrase "S&M Dungeon" whilst having a tea party in a children's playground with a toy penguin
22) You had to promise to keep Melly away from the Terrain.
23) You realised the egg is probably still on the decking, but decided the Hot Tub Nazi deserved it
24) You think Cecilians need a better zombie plan
25) You know that ice-cream makes any rookie run more fun

26.You thought Walzing Waters couldn't be topped, but then Esther did her impersonation of it
27. You thought Esther's impersonation couldn't be topped, but then Esther blacked up
28. The words "Bring me" fill you with horror
30. You can't tell the difference between Laura's "cool" CD and her "homosexual" CD
31. A full 24 hours after the event you realise you got one of the Little Priest clues wrong
32. You time-travelled with Team Lovett but didn't see a Celtic cross
33. You're going to consider your answer VERY carefully whenever Charlie asks you ANYTHING. Especially to do with elephants
34. You're going to recycle Lucy's binbag evening gown at the dinner dance
35. You got stuck going down a slide in a children's playground
35. You've been emotionally manipulated by a baby with a soft toy
36. You can no longer tell the difference between Alex and Amy Fieldhouse
37. You've helped Nicky put makeup on a pie. Call it artistic consultancy
38. You've discussed in detail where in Sweeney Todd Melly could have used her "Russians are coming" face
39. You've concluded that there was nowhere in Sweeney Todd for Melly's "Oklahoma" face
40. You know Colin Bryce's inside leg measurement in pies
41. You know exactly where layby 69 is on the A9
42. You can't drive without Galloway road sign narration
43. You're a bit confused as to whether Anton du Beke was actually *at* the weekend away
44. You know how many Cecilians you can cram into Mrs Fogg's S&M dungeon
45. You're not sure which was funnier - Rob's "Scouse" accent, or Rob's OOTI poncho

46. Bacon is now such an important part of you life that when you come to write the word down, it must be capitalised.
47. You don't need to imagine what liquid fireworks are like, because you've seen them!
48. You think you might need to make another mix tape to try and convince people that you do have good taste in music.
49. You wore a fascinator that made you look like Feathers McGraw.
50. Counting laybys is a great car game.
51. You were sure you saw Cavey and Lee use the waterfall at the House of Bruar like a flume.
52. You've explained to Melly that you don't get jellyfish, seals, or mermaids in fresh water.
53. You've been freaked out by Damien the Demon Cow.
54. You commando roll in and out of all rooms.
55. You know the joy of the hostel's rugs.
56. You think it's helpful to ask Julie if she's about to vomit.
57. You couldn't find a bed to sleep in, but couldn't understand why.
58. You're going to write a poem about the Waltzing Waters.
59. You were a devil on Charlie's shoulder.
60. You've eaten a Scotch egg.
61. You've vomited a Scotch egg.
62. You know that Yasmin could have understudied Alex.
63. You know that ice cream eaten from a plastic cup is the best way to end a Weekend Away.

64) You're going to bring back "Poetry Corner" just for Laura's poem
65) You changed your name
66) You spent hours creating a mix CD for the car, with moods and everything
67) You have never felt fear as much as you did when you were told that you were swapping mix tapes with McMeeks on the return journey
68) You have never felt as much love as when you listened to McMeeks CD and discovered that it was pretty much the same
69) You think you should be a DJ, with McMeeks
70) You have never been as excited as when you saw a Dam.
71) You made puns for about an hour about the Dam eg. "Damn! That was cool"
72) You hate that "Oh no!" is actually part of your everyday vocabulary
73) You were mounted by Yasmin. Twice.
74) Roy Bridge has a train station.
75) You have become so accustomed to wearing sunglasses, that when you were awoken by sunshine on Monday morning, instead of getting up and closing the blinds, you reached for your sunglasses and slept with them on.
76) Heather Mills has never been as awesome.
77) Neither has Will Smith
78) Pie School Musical *should* be a musical
79) The Go Karts round was the best thing ever.
80) You were sad when nobody would play scotch egg dodgeball

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Damn, I aint tryin' to sucker noone mofo.

76) Someone smashed a plate at the House of Bruar and you automatically launched into a chorus of "No one likes you..."
77) The word "object" can only possibly mean one thing
78) You know what the solution to reducing the Cecilian's carbon footprint is
79) You know exactly what a septic tank smells like... And prefer the smell of chlorine
80) You saw a man get covered in Cecilian faeces
81) You can name Aunty Nicky's breasts

82) You now call anything you're walking over that isn't concrete "terrain".
83) You bought scotch eggs from tesco this week as you were feeling rather nostalgic.
84) You now know never to tell jokes involving elephants ever again for fear of Amy and her meat cleaver.
85) As much as you loved being a member of what started out as cook team Lovatt, you'd rather not be a part of cook team Hitler.
86) You critique all literary efforts in relation to the waltzing waters poem.
87) You've spent 40 minutes full of wonder and awe, but still with that niggling feeling that you should have actually sat in the front row!
88) You were actually glad to arrive because it meant the torture that was the incredibly bad disco inferno mix would be switched off. You're actually still seeing the psychiatrist for disco inferno the first time round.
89) You now have a zombie plan.
90) Every time someone uses "bring me" in conversation you instantly flash back and think of the hilarity, but then remember the annoyance of the fact it took you the best part of 10 minutes to relace your shoe.
91) You're still torn between who should have been Alex's understudy.
92) No human can put a price on naked time, but the hot tub nazi tried.
93) You've been shown the bruises where the hot tub nazi tried.
94) Your love of bacon o'clock meant that when the fire alarm went off, you took your bacon sandwich outside with you and carried on eating.
95) You're still anticipating how amazing but how marginally disrespectful it would have been to have "My heart will go on" in the Celine Dion's greatest hits section at waltzing waters.

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Yes, I know I'm stupid - but why did you write ritard. on the top of my music?

youve never been so proud of a family member than when they have blacked up
you have seen lees childlike grin at exploring in the grounds of bruar
you know that lee is the man for organised fun (2 nights 2 winning teams)
you think that a dildo is in some way an appropriate replacement for a toy boat
you have seen cavey moan about how much he hates doing the panto
you have seen the look of gleeful dedication as cavey performs in said panto
you hate a water display that you didnt even watch
you shouted oh no when alex actualy turned up
you take a dump and wonder if it is going to be to big for the rubbish septic tank
you know that in the unlikly event that one will have to parachute eggs to saftey that it is possible to do so with a range of bluepeter style household crap
you hope never to hear one of mcmeeks cds
you know that cecilian dancers have a rubbsh taste in music
you know that welsh and scouse is interchangeable
you wish that loraine kelly would actually help us rid the world of the one legged cunt
you noticed two glaring ommissions from the panto nut job list
you realise that it is infact possible for cavey to attend a cecilian social event without shagging anyone
you now know how to reset a fire alarm cos the hostel owner cant fucking reach(she was trying to turn a key with a broom handle displaying a de smith style grasp of engineering)
you had ben trying to get lucky while you were trying to sleep
you know of the snore chorus(nicky k dawg and me)

115) After seeing various photos of the weekend away, your friends and family are still uncertain about what the cecilian society actually *is*!
116) You've started work on a mix CD for next year...

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Yes, I know I'm stupid - but why did you write ritard. on the top of my music?

117. You're still finding bits of chocolate in your glasses.
118. You wonder WHY there were people other than cecilians at the waltzing waters.
119. Any time you here disney music you're a little scared you might drown.
120. you can't quite understand how you managed to write your own name on someone elses birthday card.

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