The Cecilian Society

Despite my bold attempts to work this morning, I seem to have accidentally stumbled across the Cecilian forum. I am a little disappointed that nobody has yet roused from their drunken stupor to start a 'You know you were in Calamity Jane when...' thread. I would start one, but mine would be more of a 'You know you were in stuck in Argos really wishing you were in Calamity Jane when...' thread, which I think would be lacking in a number of key ways.

Esther... there's a letter coming your way soon. Once I've written it.

E.

Oh, all right then;

You know you were in Calamity Jane when:
1. You think Jordan should ditch Peter Andre and hook up with Danny Gilmartin;
2. You know why David's Got Wood;
3. You think every musical ought to have a whistling solo, scripted or otherwise;
4. You found yourself commenting that Dobie was too tall;
5. You haven't seen the Cecilian production of Oklahoma, but the words "Marr-ee-age" and "You cain't bid saddles" give you the giggles;
6. You haven't seen the Cecilian production of Sweeney Todd, but the words "You lied to me" give you the giggles;
7. You know that if Ali Watt mated with Shaggy from Scooby Doo, their offspring would be Neil Gordon having a heart attack;
8. You wanted to comment that Esther's performance was Finger Lickin' Good but knew that Rob would thump you;
9. You will never look at Ben Galloway the same way again. Or at least, you sincerely hope not;
10. You worry about Colin Bryce's carbon footprint

......

11. You wanted to comment that Esther's performance was Finger Lickin' Good but knew that Esther would thump you

12. You spent considerable time worrying about the various applications of Francis with an 'I' and Frances with an 'E' for sign painting purposes
13. You were asked to smoke yourself silly so the tech crew could have more props
14. You wore/used/touched something that belongs to Neil Gordon
15. You start distractedly humming 'Hive Full of Honey" then have to stop and calm yourself down
16. You feel slightly bad for undoing your French teacher's good work by committing the sentence 'il chansons pour vous' to plywood
17. You have about 15% of the show in video format on your digital camera
18. You learn that full paint tins don't make reliable set weights
19. You had Aunty Nicky go at you with either a stitch ripper or a needle and thread
20. You discover that the secret to a quick get out is to only have four pieces of set

_________________
If Colin Bryce were pie, he would eat himself...

21 you woke up this morning unable to speak
22 you found yourself drunkenly standing outside the stores chanting beautiful sunday at the top of you voice wishing that emma had found a way of incorporating the slosh into the windy city
23 you have seen esthers hitler tash and secretly think she would have made an excellent addition to the third reich
24 you have seen neil gordon getting ready to shoot up
25 you feel like a total dick for reworking the crowd adlibs to be a series of shoddy homages to various past shows, turning the show into some sort of cecilian histroical montage
25 you have repeatedly failed in your attempts to steal and destroy dobies stupid bandanas
26 you comtemplated delaying the start of a rehearsal run of the show to go for a big dump and thought better of it due to the kn owledge of others past experiances
27 you have had a detailed breakdown of the costs of caveys costume,
28 you have taught kdawg to waltz
29 you have forgotten what sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time feels like
30 you have wondered what emmas proposed show of calamity jihad would actually entail
31 you changed a line in bills script to an erection joke
32 you have walked around the west end with cavey wearing chaps and a cowboy had thought about claiming you were looking after a special kid
33 you desperatley tried to get esther to blackmup for the line about minstrel shows
34 you have heard a toy revolver make the sound of a bazooka
35 you wish we could waste every weekend putting on a show from start to finish
36 you feel like your flat is far to quiet and miss have fifty people to hang out with
37 you have heard calamity jane done terminator stylee
38 you have heard calamity jane done in the style of the swedish chef
39 you havd heard sarah dalys mr t impression
suckah

_________________
wank for peace

40. you have never turned a man into woman so quickly...
41. and you suspect that the people of Deadwood might have been fooled forever had Francis Fryer's wig not fallen off.
42. you know that the best way to a woman's heart is to give her flowers stolen from her own vase.
43. you have sung Don't Stop Believin' en masse on at least one occasion. ( ...Is that Journey? Hey, that is Journey!)
44. you know that squirting fountains are just shocking!
45. you've jazzed in your pants.
46. you know that the best way to deal with being turned down by a soldier is to strip to your underwear and throw your shoes around.
47. you ran at full pelt from the bathrooms in order to sing Defying Gravity...and laughed at the confusion/disgust of the men as the girls belted out the entire number.
48. you've climbed up Sunshine Mountain.

McMeeks xx:-)

49. you hear someone say 'finger lickin' good' and reaaly do want to thup them.
50. you have symmetrical bruises on your thighs from being slightly overzealous whilst whip cracking away.
51. you've only been up for 2 hours and already have cecilian withdrawl.
52. you had neil gordon sleeping under an item of your furniture.
53. you still not quite over ben's bum movements in the line 'somebody shakes it down from the tree.'
54. you now think it's socially acceptable to enjoy line dancing.
55. you STILL have a black baby in your flat.
56. you apparently think that standing beside a spotlight is a better plan that standing in it.

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57. Whenever you laugh, you feel the need to do it going down the scale.
58. You think Ben Galloway should play 'Hive Full of Honey' on the kazoo more often.
59. You wake up to find a million cowboy hats in your flat and think nothing of it.
60. You answer the phone with a full-on, Western-accented "Howdy do!"
61. You don't think twice about discussing Ben Galloway's breasts and make-up.
62. You wonder if Deadwood really can do without Balrogs in Mordor...

_________________
No, really.

63. You think nothing of chatting with Ben Galloway about his pant-line, tights, breasts, make-up....
64. You find it perfectly appropriate to express your joy by using "yee-ha" or any such phrase.

_________________
NO WAY
Way Fake Tina Turner

65. You spent the weekend in your pyjamas.

66. You have never seen so many varieties of plaid and gingham in the same place before and probably never will.

67. You think that Esther is probably the least convincing man you have ever seen.

68. Closely followed by Merty.

69. You laughed so hard one of your contact lenses nearly came out.

70. You can’t look at an umbrella without thinking of Ben Galloway.

71. ‘Hive Full of Honey’ is on constant repeat in your head.

72. You spent longer than necessary chopping up your weekend show t-shirt in an interesting way.

73. You spent longer than necessary trying to fit classic cecilian quotes into the show.

74. The term ‘gang bang’ now makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

75. You still can’t get over how glorious it was to see 50 people power-fisting in unison.

76. You still can’t get over how glorious it was to actually manage to incorporate a power fist into a show about cowboys.

77. You were a cecilian gherkin.

78. You spent the whole weekend feeling unnaturally energized and pain-free only to wake up on Monday morning with a multitude of pulled muscles, no voice and a melancholy demeanour.

79. You forgot that you don’t live in a musical and that the real world, with rain, work, uni and people who don’t know the words to ‘man in the mirror’ actually does exist.

80. ‘Fuckin…boo!!’ has become your default phrase for expressing disappointment, shock, misery or disdain.

81. You automatically act in a disgustingly sycophantic manner whenever you see a member of QM staff.

82. You secretly dislike most of the QM staff.

83. You are on first name terms with most of the people who work in M&S simply food on Great George St.

84. You learned that although the wild west didn’t have indoor plumbing or railways, they apparently did have a functioning mobile phone network.

85. You’re face is now significantly narrower after being squeezed by Andy Jones.

86. You realise that if life post-weekend show is like a nickel in a goldmine, you’re the nickel in that goldmine.