The Cecilian Society

Audition Piece 1: Male or Female

Julia: Robbie? Are you okay?

Robbie: Did everybody leave?

Julia: Pretty much. Except a few cops who are still interviewing witnesses.

Robbie: I think I’m lying in creamed corn.

Julia: Robbie…why don’t you get out of there and go home?

Robbie: No! I live here now!

Julia: You’re just upset about Linda. But what was so special about her anyway? I mean, what kind of “goddess” would screw over a great guy like you? You’re gonna feel a lot better once you meet someone new.

Robbie: I’ll never meet anyone new.

Julia: Well, not in there you won’t

Robbie: Maybe I was stupid to get engaged in the first place. I mean, look at you. You’re not engaged and you’re happy.

Julia: Um…actually…

Robbie: Wait a second – you got engaged?

Julia: Uh-huh. Robbie, you’re still gonna sing at my wedding, right? You promised, remember?

Robbie: Listen, Julia, I appreciated what you’re trying to do, but it’s not gonna work.

Audition Piece 2: Female Only

Angie: Perfect…you look just prefect. What’s wrong? You don’t like the dress, because it’s too late to change your mind…

Julia: No, the dress is fine.

Angie: Oh, thank God. You scared me.

Julia: Mom…do you really like Glen?

Angie: What’s not to like? He’s rich, he’s handsome, he’s charming, he’s rich. And now he’s really got it all cause he’s got you. Honey, what’s wrong?

Julia: I just don’t know if I’m in love with you anymore.

Angie: Why? What happened?

Julia: I just don’t know if he’s the right man for me. And I’ve been spending a lot of time with this other guy…Robbie Hart.

Angie: The wedding singer?! You’re thinking of leaving Glen for the wedding singer?!

Julia: I don’t know what I’m thinking. I’m confused.

Angie: I know, sweetheart. You’re just getting cold feet. It happens to every bride at some point. It happened to me. Of course, I should have run screaming down the street instead of marrying your father. But Glen, he’s different. He’s a keeper. You’re gonna marry Glen on Saturday and you’re gonna love him and everything’s gonna be wonderful. You know what’ll make you feel better? Your veil. I’ll be right back, sweetheart.

Julia: Hi, pleased to meet you, I’m Mrs. Glen Guglia. Hello, I’m Julia Guglia. Julia Guglia. Julia Guglia. Hi, pleased to meet you, I’m Mrs. Robbie Hart. Robbie and I are so pleased you could come to our wedding…

Audition Piece 3: Female Only

Holly: Wow, she’s alive. After that night at the club, I thought you’d be out of commission for at least a week.

Julia: That wasn’t me. That was my evil twin – Drunky McWasted. So..how did things go with Robbie? Anything happen?

Holly: We kissed.

Julia: Who kissed who? Did you kiss him or did he kiss you?

Holly: I kissed him, okay? But that was it.

Julia: So you and he didn’t…

Holly: Nope. Nothing. He sure doesn’t think much of Glen though.
Said he’s a jerk- off.

Julia: Why does he think Glen’s a jerk-off?

Holly: Who knows, maybe he’s jealous.

Julia: Jealous? Why? Did he say that? Did he use that specific word? Jealous?

Holly: Well, jealous of Glen’s success, I mean.

Julia: Oh.

Holly: What else could he have meant? You know it’s hard for these guitar players. They can be fun to hang out with, but at the end of the day, women want someone stable. Someone with a house, a car, a real job…someone like Glen.

Julia: Wanna know a secret? I sometimes think Glen was a little sweeter when he had less. Do you think money changes people?

Holly: Yes. For the better.



Audition Piece 4: Male only.
Sammy: Dude? I’ve been getting kind of worried. You don’t seem to be bouncing back from this so good.

Robbie: Linda was right to dump me. I haven’t done anything since high school.

Sammy: What’s that thing?

Robbie: Let go. Mine.

Sammy: It’s the plastic bride from the top of the wedding cake.

Robbie: It look just like Linda. Only much, much smaller.

Sammy: You have to snap out of this. This is a critical summer for the band! We need our lead singer! I am not going back to work at the Orange Julius. Look Robbie…

Robbie: Whatever you have to say, I don’t want to hear it.

Sammy: You gotta get back on the horse, Robbie. Did Rocky lay there on the canvas when Apollo Creed knocked him down? No! Did Marty McFly give up when his time machine ran out of plutonium? No! Did that hot chick in “Flashdance” stop…flashdancing just because she had a lot of welding and shit to do?

Robbie: What the hell are you talking about?

Sammy: You gotta seize the moment, man. Use your pain to fuel your rise to the top. And if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for us guys in the band. C’mon, get up and go spread that Robbie Hart joy. Trust me, it’ll make you feel better.

Audition Piece 5: Compulsory Male monologue

Let’s hear it for the best man everybody. How about that? Terrific. We all know part of the fun of the bachelor party is that it’s a chance for the groom to get “wild and crazy” one last time before he pledges his eternal love to the woman he adores. At that moment, his old life ends – all his past mistakes, his false starts, his…sexual experimentation – that stuff doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve done some crazy things in my life too, but then I met a very special girl, a girl who I’m actually marrying tomorrow. So, all I’m saying is that when you fall in love, like you guys, the emptiness drifts away because you find something to live for: each other. And the way I’ve seen you two looking into each other’s eyes all day long I can tell you’re gonna live for each other for the rest of your lives. Some might say, “What’s love got to do with it?” Or that “love is a battlefield”. But those folks are looking for love in all the wrong places. Because endless love…is the greatest love of all.